165 Dad Jokes to Make You Groan (and Laugh)

Dad jokes—they're the punniest, corniest, and most endearingly cheesy jokes around. Whether you’re a dad looking for new material, a family member in search of laughs, or simply a fan of pun-tastic humor, you’re in the right place. Below is our ultimate list of 100+ dad jokes that are sure to get you laughing (or groaning) every time. Get ready to share these gems at family gatherings, on social media, or whenever you need a dose of lighthearted humor!

Food and Drink Jokes

Jokes about food items, cooking, diets, or beverages.

• I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

• What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese!

• I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

• I’m on a whiskey diet—I’ve lost three days already.

• I don’t trust tacos—they’re always a little shellfish.

• I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

• Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

• Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

• How does Moses make his coffee? He brews it.

• What did the tomato say to the lettuce? Hold on, I’m ketchup-ing!

• Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well!

• Why don’t watermelons get married? They cantaloupe!

• Why did the bread go to school? It wanted to improve its yeast-esteem!

• How do you organize a fruit party? You plan-tain it!

• Why don’t oysters donate to charity? Because they are shellfish.

• Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up!

• What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange!

• What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing—it just whined!

• What’s a snowman’s favorite snack? Ice krispies!

• What’s a foot’s favorite food? Toe-st!

• Why don’t lemons fight? They just squeeze by!

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• What’s a frog’s favorite drink? Croak-a-cola!

• What’s a frog’s favorite candy? Lolli-hops!

• I told my kids I’m an amazing cook. They said, “We know, Dad—we’ve tasted your cereal!”

• Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Animal Jokes

Jokes featuring animals or animal-related puns.

• Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.

• What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

• Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.

• What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!

• Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks.

• Why don’t fish play basketball? They’re afraid of the net!

• Why did the cow sit alone? It didn’t want to be part of the herd!

• Why don’t birds use cell phones? They’d rather tweet!

• What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper? “Ruff!”

• Why was the cat sitting on the computer? He wanted to keep an eye on the mouse!

• What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop!

• Why don’t elephants forget? Because they have trunks full of memories!

• How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.

• What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.

• Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a well-balanced meal.

• What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? A receding hare-line.

• How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.

• What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.

• What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.

• What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato!

• What’s a shark’s favorite movie? Jaws-t kidding!

• What did the beaver say to the tree? It’s been nice gnawing you!

• What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rude-olph.

• What do you call a festive dog? Santa Paws.

• I used to be a professional cricket player, but I got bowled over by the competition.

• What did one tree say to the other? “Leaf me alone!”

Technology and Science Jokes

Jokes about computers, programming, or scientific concepts.

• I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.

• Why do programmers prefer dark mode? Because light attracts bugs.

• I would tell you a joke about UDP, but you might not get it.

• Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus!

• I asked the IT guy, “How do you make a motherboard?” He said, “I tell her about my job.”

• What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell.

• Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? It lost its contacts.

• Did you hear about the computer that took a nap? It needed to reboot.

• My computer’s got a virus, but it’s not a big deal. I just upgraded to a new immune system.

• I’d tell you a joke about Java, but it might take too long to compile.

• Why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they don’t C#.

• Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

• Why don’t astronauts break up with their girlfriends? They need space!

• How do you organize a space party for cats? You planet.

Family and Relationships Jokes

Jokes about family members, marriage, or relationships.

• I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… She gave me a hug.

• My wife asked me to pass the lip balm. I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.

• I asked my daughter what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “A pony!” I said, “We can’t afford a pony, how about a pony ride?”

• My dad always told me to follow my dreams… so I went back to sleep.

• Why did the dad cross the road? Because he saw a sign that said “Dad Jokes Ahead.”

• I told my son to embrace his mistakes. He cried and hugged me.

• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

• What do you call a mom who writes music? A decomposer!

• Why was the kid good at hide and seek? He was a little sneaky!

• What’s a baby’s favorite instrument? The rattle!

• Why don’t grandpas run marathons? They’d rather take a nap!

• What did the sister say to the brother? “You’re a real joke!”

• Why don’t uncles play cards? They’d deal out too many puns!

• What’s a cousin’s favorite game? Tag—you’re it!

School and Education Jokes

Jokes about learning, teachers, or school supplies.

• Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

• What did the pencil say to the paper? “You’re tear-iffic!”

• Why don’t teachers play chess? They’re afraid of any situation with a pawn!

• What’s a ruler’s favorite food? Straight lines!

• Why did the student bring a ladder to school? To take his grades to the next level!

• What do you call a pen that doesn’t work? A point-less pen!

• Why was the history book so old? It had a lot of dates!

• What did the eraser say to the mistake? “I’ve got you covered!”

• Why don’t calculators fight? They just work it out!

• What’s a book’s favorite dance? The page-turner!

• Why was the teacher so calm? She had a lot of class!

• Why was the sun so good at school? It was really bright!

Work and Jobs Jokes

Jokes about professions, careers, or workplace scenarios.

• Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

• Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!

• I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

• I’d tell you a construction joke, but I’m still working on it.

• I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

• I know a lot of jokes about retired people… but none of them work!

• The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

• I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

• What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.

• I once got into so much debt that I couldn’t even afford my electricity bills—they were the darkest days of my life.

Nature and Weather Jokes

Jokes about natural elements like weather, plants, or landscapes.

• I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.

• I made a pun about the wind but it blows.

• What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved!

• Why don’t mountains get tired? They just peak all the time!

• What do you call a flower that runs on electricity? A power plant!

• Why don’t rivers get lost? They just follow the flow!

• What’s a cloud’s favorite game? Thunder and lightning tag!

• Why did the grass blush? It saw the lawnmower coming!

• What did the wind say to the kite? “Let’s hang out!”

• Why don’t stars go out of business? They’ve got a lot of shine!

• What’s a rock’s favorite music? Heavy metal!

• Why don’t clouds date? They’re too high maintenance!

• Why don’t stars fight? They just twinkle it out!

• What did the ice say to the water? “Chill out!”

Holiday and Seasonal Jokes

Jokes tied to holidays or seasonal themes.

• What do you call Santa’s helpers? Subordinate Clauses!

• What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

• What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.

• What did one Christmas tree say to the other? Lighten up!

• What do you call a reindeer with bad manners? Rude-olph.

• What do you call a festive dog? Santa Paws.

• What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot! (Could fit elsewhere, but feels festive here.)

• Why don’t candles fight? They just burn out! (Vaguely holiday-adjacent via candles.)

Music and Entertainment Jokes

Jokes about music, instruments, or performances.

• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

• Did you hear about the two antennas that got married? The ceremony was okay, but the reception was excellent.

• What’s a rock’s favorite music? Heavy metal!

• What’s a baby’s favorite instrument? The rattle!

• What do you call a group of musical whales? An orca-stra.

• What’s a book’s favorite dance? The page-turner!

Everyday Objects Jokes

Jokes about common household or everyday items.

• I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

• I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.

• The elevator’s broken. It’s an uplifting experience waiting on the stairs.

• I tried to make a belt out of watches, but it was a complete waist of time.

• Why don’t doors tell secrets? They’d get unhinged!

• What did the wall say to the ceiling? “Meet me at the corner!”

• Why don’t clocks ever go out of business? They’ve got time on their side!

• What’s a balloon’s least favorite word? Pop!

• Why did the chair go to therapy? It had too many seating issues!

• What did the sock say to the shoe? “I’ve got your back!”

• Why don’t mirrors lie? They reflect the truth!

• What’s a light bulb’s favorite joke? Something bright!

• Why did the broom get tired? It was sweeping all day!

• What did the blanket say to the bed? “I’ll cover for you!”

• Why was the belt arrested? It held up some pants!

• What did the hat say to the scarf? “You hang around, I’ll go on ahead!”

• Why don’t keys get tired? They just unlock and roll!

• Why don’t pillows talk? They’re too soft-spoken!

Wordplay and Puns

General puns or clever wordplay not tied to a specific theme.

• What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!

• I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

• I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.

• Have you heard about the restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.

• What do you call a friend who tells bad jokes? A pun-isher!

• What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Argh, you kidding? It’s the C!

• What did the zero say to the eight? “Nice belt!”

• What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

• I told a joke about a roof once… The crowd really went through the ceiling!

• I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

• I used to be addicted to soap, but I’m clean now.

• Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.

• What’s a ninja’s favorite drink? Stealth-tea!

• Why don’t bicycles fall over? They’re two-tired!

• What do you call a pen that doesn’t work? A point-less pen!

Fantasy and Supernatural Jokes

Jokes about mythical creatures or supernatural beings.

• Why don’t ghosts tell lies? You can see right through them!

• What’s a vampire’s favorite fruit? A blood orange!

• What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.

• Why don’t skeletons play music? They don’t have the organs!

Transportation Jokes

Jokes about vehicles or movement.

• Why don’t trains get lost? They stay on track!

• Why don’t bicycles fall over? They’re two-tired!

• My family said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.

Miscellaneous Life Jokes

Jokes about life experiences or random scenarios that don’t fit neatly elsewhere.

• I was going to tell a time-travel joke, but you guys didn’t like it.

• Why did I make this list? To give you a laugh-time guarantee!

• What’s a dad’s favorite tool? A pun-chline!

• Why don’t dads tell secrets? They’d spill the beans at dinner!

• What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.

• Why don’t eggs go out of business? They’ve got a lot of yolk!

• Why was the cell phone wearing glasses? It lost its contacts.

• Why did the grass blush? It saw the lawnmower coming!

• What did one tree say to the other? “Leaf me alone!”

• Why don’t rivers get lost? They just follow the flow!

• What do you call a factory that sells passable products? A satisfactory.

• Why don’t mountains get tired? They just peak all the time!

• What did the ice say to the water? “Chill out!”

Keep the Groans (and Laughs) Coming!

Dad jokes are all about having fun with words and embracing the humor in everyday life. Whether you’re sharing these jokes at a family dinner, on social media, or at your next gathering, these puns and one-liners are designed to bring smiles—and plenty of groans—to everyone.

What’s your favorite dad joke? Share your best (or worst) groaner in the comments below and keep the laughter alive all year long!